make sachertorte, not ultimatums!

The first step to making an amazing sachertore is to turn on Liszt, Dvořák, or Bartók in the background. Make sure it meets acceptable Habsburg sound codes, not too loud, but loud enough to appreciate each note.

For the torte you will need to acquire apricot jam, some semisweet chocolate, some flour, tiny salt, 6 eggs, butter, and vanilla.


use fine ingraved folk design tools! 🙂

Heat your oven to 165 degrees and to a bigger number if you’re American and use “F.” Put some butter and flour on the bottom and side of the pan (it’s usually round, but you can deviate [even if the Austrians don’t like it!])

Combine only the egg whites. Beat them as fast as you can and take out your anger at our backwards mess of a government at them!

Then, calm…….


(I don’t know either!) o_O

The anthem begins to play and Kaiser Franz Josef himself enters to see how you are making this (multi) national cake!

Slowly and beautifully pour the sugar in to the tune of the anthem.

Okay. Show’s over.

Beat the eggs and sugar again with intensity. You can’t understand the lyrics of the national anthem! Who do they think they are!?

In another bowl, combine more butter and more sugar. Wisk the egg yolks and semi sweet chocolate until it’s light and fluffy like… um, the Kaiser himself!

Fold the ingredients together.


Put in the oven and bake for about 50 minutes.

Eat a Milka bar of your choice (I prefer plum) and drink some Bosnian coffee. Turn on Radetzky March and jump around your kitchen.


Begin making the glaze with these items:

butter, milk chocolate (use Milka if you can find it for cheap/ 500 Forint for 3 bars in some places 🙂 and a little corn syrup.

When you deem that the cake is finished, take it out of the oven and let it cool. Then, cut into two equally duel monarchial slices (or 3 if you’re into Trialism.)* Let it cool more.

Add apricot jam to the middle and glaze the top and sides.



Mine is messy. I made a tiny sachertorte for a birthday gift!

Jó étvágyat!


* Some government officials (including Archduke Franz Ferdinand and many Croatians) advocated for a Trialist system where the Slavs (most likely led by Croatians) would share an equal place with Austrians and Magyars.


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